Unconditional Love

You will know you love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if his or her happiness means you are not a part of it.


I saw this quote today, and immediately it hit home to me. A lot of people throw around the love word like it has little meaning, and at times in our society, it seems to not. I am going on record to say that I love a lot of people, truly, honestly love them, for exactly who they are, faults and all, and wish them nothing but the best. For the most part, these people are in my life, but some of them are not. In some cases, circumstances, or just life in general, has created a situation where we are NOT in each others' lives. I still love them, and wish them every happiness.


I was seriously in love once. I mean, from your head to your toes, every single cell in your body, giving everything you have, completely open, regardless of what happens, in love. It was amazing, and it was awful. And he's one of my best friends, to this day. The entire story is a disaster, but let's just sum it up by saying that things didn't work out...in a rather shocking and graphic way. I got hurt, more than I ever thought possible, somewhat lost my mind in the process, and wondered how it was humanly possible to survive losing someone that I cared so incredibly much for.  



When people hear the story in it's full craziness, they look at me with incredulity, and wonder why in the world I still speak to this person, let alone consider them one of my closest friends. But this is the part you have to consider...loyalty scores big points with me. It doesn't matter to me that once upon a time he let me down. All that matters to me, is that when it seriously counted, and I desperately needed a friend, he was one of the few still by my side. We've both done not so nice things to the other person, but the reality is that it has become a friendship marked by unconditionality.


We've both learned a LOT of things about forgiveness. 


For myself, it was one of the greatest failures of my life. It taught me how to love someone, completely and without limits, even when that person hurt me the most. There was a brief period where I couldn't stand to face him. But I could never wish anything but the very best for him. Even when that didn't include me. And when that old moniker karma came along, I couldn't feel anything but sadness for his own hurt. He taught me what it really means to love another person, in spite of who they are. To not hold their faults against them, to pray for their happiness and success, to be willing to lay down my life, for even a day of theirs. 


From a biblical perspective, Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. -- John 15:13.


From my favorite movie, The Notebook: The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. 


I began this post from the conviction of that quote, found as I was looking for quotes on unconditional love. It's on my mind, as I begin yet another journey in my life. In reliving the past, I want it to be known that I'm not harboring any old hurt or resentment from what used to be. Those days are gone, and now I'm grateful every day for the special friend in my life, the one I know I can call upon at any time. For story swapping, advice, help, or just an ear to vent. It takes time for these kinds of friendships to form. Time, and a deep knowledge of the other person. 


I often use the word "transitory" to describe the relationships we have in our lives, and they are often just that. People come, and people go. You find that over the years, some just stick. These are the people whose numbers you never lose. These are the people that you can go days, months, years without talking to, and when that conversation finally occurs, it's like no time at all has passed. Some of my greatest friendships have been forged with people that caused a lot of pain. Such is the nature of love.


Unconditional love is truly an amazing gift. Something that we give freely to another person, regardless of the circumstances. The people close to me, the people I consider friends family, are those that I have this deep and abiding love towards. I would do anything for their happiness, spare any cost, go any distance. The beauty in real love is that you do these things, expecting nothing in return. The best part, however, is that these people return it. 


Loving others is easy. It's in the nuances of life, that we find out how WE are loved. 


So I sit at a crossroads, faced with wonder at what will come in this next period. Time will tell me where my emotions really lie. I knew someone whose happiness was my complete and total goal. I loved them without restrictions, and unselfishly. Now, I'm sifting through the anger and hurt of the situation, and it's hard to feel a lot of positive emotions. I'm praying, and I'm trying. 


I keep asking myself if it's worth it, but only God knows the answer to that question. I made a lot of mistakes, as always, and now I'm waiting to see what amazing things He is going to do with those. As always, I wait upon the Lord, always putting Him first, seeking His counsel, and striving everyday to be a Godly woman.


Thank goodness His grace is new every morning.  

The Hand of God??

For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be earthquakes in various places, and there will be famine and troubles. These are the beginning of sorrows. -- Mark 13:8

Far be it from me to know the timing of eschatological matters, or if the next pieces of what I'm going to say will ring true for others at all. The world does seem at times to be falling apart, but some of my following commentary may be viewed as upsetting, although I can promise you the facts presented are from reliable sources. My spin on them, however, may not be as palatable. I seek only to present a hypothesis, which troubles my heart and mind, and makes me want to do something sooner, rather than later.

As I write this, we have a Category 3 hurricane, named Irene, wreaking havoc and causing destruction in the Caribbean. Slated to hit the Atlantic seaboard in a few days, this hurricane has the potential to cause massive devastation in some large U.S. cities. Many of the "natural disasters" in the recent decade have me pondering the hand of God in the selection of these occurrences. 

Yes, I went there.

This all began with the earthquake in Japan on March 11 of this year. In the aftermath of Pacific tsunami warnings and the devastation caused by this earthquake that was large enough to affect the earth's rotation, I heard some sobering statistics. Of the 127 million individuals living there, only 2% are Christian. Now, I've heard criticism in the past for concerning myself with the religious leanings of a country instead of the tremendous loss of life, but when your life revolves around Jesus, it's hard to think another way. He said that He came to save the lost...but how many that died as a result of that tragedy are forever lost to His kingdom? I remember in the days following this discovery, the very real desire in me to go to Japan. I've never taken a single missionary trip, but I could see the great potential of introducing survivors to Christ! 

We know the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, how God poured out His wrath on them for their immorality and sin. What stops the natural conclusion that God can, and will, still act in this manner? We spend a lot of time talking about God's grace, for which I am grateful every day. However, His wrath is still a part of who He is, and the only thing separating Christians from it, is the sacrifice of Jesus on that cross.

We, as a nation, are undeniably an immoral lot. We've strayed away from our Christian roots, and now are a melting pot of cultures and world religious. I am not preaching intolerance, on the contrary, the mission handed to us by Jesus is one of salvation and redemption. But how often do we miss the chance to share the Gospel because someone is different, or we don't want to offend their sense or morals, or because we're too busy practicing tolerance? However, to paraphrase John Adams, you can't rule a country without God and the Bible. We've allowed the government to curtail the expression of God in schools, in the national anthem, at televised events, and in our daily life. Many in this nation are content with a "Sunday religion" that allows them to feel absolved and call themselves a Christian, while living as a non-believer the other 6 days of the week. 

Perhaps that's one of the reasons why we have natural disasters after pieces of our country? Is this God's way of telling us to get it together?

The Johari Window

This is the Johari window. It's a personality awareness model that I studied in psychology and communication as an undergraduate student. I find it interesting, because although this is split into an even grid, the reality is that the lines are not as clearly drawn for most people. Some have a large blind spot, while others have a large unknown area.

It's fairly obvious, but the four quadrants are defined as follows:


The first pane, the "Arena," contains things that I know about myself and about which the group knows. Characterized by free and open exchanges of information between myself and others, this behavior is public and available to everyone. The Arena increases in size as the level of trust increases between individuals or between an individual and the group. Individuals share more information, particularly personally relevant information.

The second pane, the "Blind Spot," contains information that I do not know about myself but of which the group may know. As I begin to participate in the group, I am not aware of the information I communicate to the group. The people in the group learn this information from my verbal cues, mannerisms, the way I say things, or the style in which I relate to others. For instance, I may not know that I always look away from a person when I talk... or that I always clear my throat just before I say something. The group learns this from me.

Pane three, the "Facade" or "Hidden Area," contains information that I know about myself but the group does not know. I keep these things hidden from them. I may fear that if the group knew my feelings, perceptions, and opinions about the group or the individuals in the group, they might reject, attack, or hurt me. As a consequence, I withhold this information. Before taking the risk of telling the group something, I must know there are supportive elements in our group. I want group members to judge me positively when I reveal my feelings, thoughts, and reactions. I must reveal something of myself to find out how members will react. On the other hand, I may keep certain information to myself so that I can manipulate or control others.

The fourth and last pane, the "Unknown," contains things that neither I nor the group knows about me. I may never become aware of material buried far below the surface in my unconscious area. The group and I may learn other material, though, through a feedback exchange among us. This unknown area represents intrapersonal dynamics, early childhood memories, latent potentialities, and unrecognized resources. The internal boundaries of this pane change depending on the amount of feedback sought and received. Knowing all about myself is extremely unlikely, and the unknown extension in the model represents the part of me that will always remain unknown (the unconscious in Freudian terms).

I personally believe, as individuals, that we should endeavor to decrease the area of information not known to ourselves. Sometimes this isn't an easy process, especially in the blind spot area, because it requires others telling us things we didn't know. Sometimes those things are negative, but knowing them gives us the opportunity to improve ourselves!

I really wonder about the unknown however. God knows these things, because He created us, but think of all that information that no one else sees...not even in ourselves! I hope that my unknown area is full of positives, and that negatives are lurking in my blind spot for others to notice. Think of all those little amazing personality gifts to unlock over the years.

The facade, however, is the most dangerous of all the quadrants. It involves deceit, and misrepresentation. I'm guilty of this, as is everyone, but I'm trying to be open in a way that exposes my real self. I don't like to be fake, or to pretend to be something I'm not. It's always sad when a person has to use their mask, because they're telling someone that 1) they don't trust them enough to reveal who they really are, 2) they don't respect them enough to be honest, and 3) they don't believe they're good enough.

The reality is that showing the world anything other than who you really are is a disservice to the One who created each of us. All of these things that we prefer to keep hidden, are in reality our greatest opportunity to testify to the power of God in our lives. For those things we like to pretend about are usually things we're not proud of. The redeeming power of Christ, however, has made those things impervious to admission. For example, I'm not ashamed to say that I used to do hard drugs and was sexually immoral. It doesn't matter, because the saving grace of God has made those things a testimony of His glory.

I once heard a preacher say that the purpose of our lives was both redemptive to ourselves, and to others. This has the most amazing element of truth to it, because I used to be so ashamed of the things I had done. Now, I just realize that I screwed up, because I'm human, and that Jesus rescued me from that life, when He exchanged His life for mine on that cross. That was my death He died, so that I never would. Those nail scarred hands and feet should have been mine, the blood running from His head and side should have been mine, the complete distance from God that He experienced that day, should have been mine. But they're not. Just the fact that He died for me...is more than sufficient.

Grace is for the weary, for the weak, for the sinful, for the ashamed, for the lost, for the redeemed, for the broken, for the sick, for every person walking on this planet. It's such a sweet life to give everything I am to the One who gave everything for me.

The Power of Prayer

I sat down today with my friends Eric and Christine Ruby and had a healing prayer session. Notice how I'm diving right into the good stuff today? It was so powerfully amazing! If you're never been through an intense prayer session, this may seem a little out there, but just stay with me. It begins by getting face to face in your relationship with our triune God, and for today's prayer, I was hanging out with Jesus. That sounds cool...I was hanging out with Jesus.

So, it's led by a series of questions that you ask of God/Jesus/Holy Spirit. Today began with establishing the solid relationship mentally, and then letting Jesus set the scene. Initially, I asked Him if there was anything He wanted to show me. Which resulted in overlooking a city, in which a building stood out. It took some time, but I finally came to realize that the building represented me as a person, and it was a tall building, with lots of levels. We began near the top, which is what He wanted to show me first. It was a room that represented HOPE, my current prayer life, relationship with God, and where I am now.

When I asked Him to show me what was next, He took me to level 5, which ended up being some anger that needed to be addressed. It wasn't my anger, it was someone else's towards me, but we managed to find a way to resolve it, that absolved me of the responsibility for that person's emotions. After we eradicated the negativity on that level, Jesus took me to level 2, which is what I really want to talk about. I knew before entering the door that something really bad was lurking there. I had to ask Jesus if I was safe, and how I should proceed. Before entering, I took His hand, to be with me.

As soon as I opened the door, it was just darkness. The kind which no light penetrates, like a forest at night, sinister, and filled with shadowy creatures in the corner of the room. It was the blackness of my depression. Through a series of questions, we identified a particular stronghold in the corner of the room. When I asked Him what it was, He told me it was DEATH. I had to look that power, the thoughts of suicide and destruction, in the face. I eventually walked up to it, and ordered it to leave, drawing upon the power of Jesus' name. Satan kept tugging at my mind, however, and I was unable to prevail. It was when Jesus walked over, and ordered it to go, that it immediately disappeared.

There were still more shadows in this room to battle. I addressed SHAME, and shone the light of truth on it to disable its power in my life. The final shadow was LIES, which I had bought into, leading to shame. This menace, we boxed up, and Jesus led me to the basement, where we tossed it into the incinerator. It was incredibly powerful, to feel the negative things that I have experienced lately leaving my life. To feel the complete healing power of God, through Jesus, in eradicating these powerful holds the devil had placed upon me.

I realize this may sound very odd to most people, but prayer can do so many things! It's power is undeniable. Prayer can create miracles, it can heal, it can meet our basic needs. Today's prayer was a very visual experience with God, in the form of Jesus, who stood by my side, held me when I was afraid, and battled the demons when I couldn't. It reminds me of the overwhelming power of our God.

The most surprising aspect, however, came on the way home from their house. Christine asked me to pray for her, to lay hands on her and pray about the pain in her mouth. I was skeptical, to be honest, but I did as she asked. I prayed, illustrating that pain and death only exist because of satan, that God's creation was perfect, and asked Him to take away the pain. She said her face got warm and the throbbing pain went away! The power of our God transcends even our skepticism sometimes!

Today was a GREAT day. Today was a day that is a testament and tribute to our wonderful Father, amazing Savior, and powerful Spirit of God.

What is a Heart?

A muscle that pumps our blood to the rest of our body? The seat of our emotions?

Both of those are accurate descriptions. Thank God that we have a life support system. There have been times in my life, though, that I was sure it was breaking. The pain that emanates sometimes from that general region of the body can be debilitating. I once described it as having it ripped out and a vat of acid in its place, seeping through the rest of my body. That was a long time ago, however.

So what does it mean to have a heart for God?

If you love Me, keep My commandments. -- John 14:15

Pretty simple, really. What will you do for God? What will you give for God? What will you give up for God? These three questions all make people look at you a little crazy...especially when you begin to do them. 

He who loves mother or father more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it. -- Matthew 10:37-39

I walked away from my family, from my job, from everything I've ever known. And I'm happy. Really, truly happy. I even eradicated an unhealthy relationship from my life, just last week, and I feel stronger and more powerful because of it. Living my life for God is what having a heart means to me. All of my joy, all of my strength, all of my purpose comes from the love I have for our Creator. I never knew life could be this perfect, in spite of the storms that swirl around me. In spite of the trials and difficulties I'm experiencing. In spite of the mistakes and rebukes I've received. 

My purpose remains to serve God. I have been set apart to help those who are hurting, and it brings me such a sense of fulfillment to do so. Mondays I spend with the women at Teen Challenge, and just knowing that my experiences in some way help them relate to me, that they listen to the Word, and participate in my seemingly crazy activities to get closer to God, makes me feel as if every bad day in my life was completely worth it. I used to say I would never go back and repeat the past, but knowing that God is using it to reach others makes me change that perspective. 

Sure, God gave us a heart to provide life, but He also gave us a heart to give LIFE. True life, true love, comes from the relationship we have with Him. From the most perfect love we could ever receive, and the most amazing relationship of our lives. 

Be Strong in the Lord

If I were my friend, I would say things things to myself: 


Three in the morning,
And I'm still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I'd say,
If we were face to face,
I'd tell you just what you mean to me,
I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I've already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say 

The Race

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. (2 Timothy 4:7)

I think Paul might be my favorite apostle, because I genuinely love his epistles. They're so spiritually guiding. I'm really excited to study him more in depth this coming semester. Perhaps it is because I identify with his background of brokenness. Paul was a Pharisee who murdered Christians....pretty awful transgressions, there, and yet he found himself preaching the kingdom. I wonder how many times during his life Paul wondered if he would be able to say those things one day?

"Life is a marathon, not a sprint."

I keep reminding myself of this fact. Now, I hate running - I'll take my cardio in the pool please - but it's a great analogy for our walk with Christ. I don't know how many times I've looked at the post it note on my bathroom mirror that says look like Jesus and felt like a complete failure. It doesn't matter the magnitude of the sin, big ones, little ones, I still feel the same. I'm reminded that in my youth, perfection is an impossible goal.

I used to have a really large problem with perfectionist tendencies. Just be perfect, Stacey, and everything will be fine, I'd tell myself. Anything less than a 94 on a test = failure. Don't do X,Y,Z and you'll be happy = wrong. Marry the right guy, add the house, cars, and 2.3 kids, and ignore the glaring problem = lies. Always look perfect, so people think that you are = hypocrisy. So you can imagine that I carry my natural overachieving tendencies into my relationship with God.

For it is by grace you have been saved through faith, and not that of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. (Ephesians 2:8)

I love grace. In fact, it is the defining aspect of my life in Jesus. Because I believe, it has been gifted to me. Nothing I do can earn it, and nothing I do can destroy it. It simply is, because God loves us. In response to that awesome love, we return it as much as we can, always praying for Him to show us how to love Him more. We obviously shouldn't sin MORE to get more grace, that's just preposterous, and well advised against in Romans 6 (again Paul). However, sometimes sin can lead us to a place of a greater understanding of grace.

I truly want to please God, in everything I do, every minute of the day, every second of every minute, I want to be PERFECT. But I can't be. As a human being, I do not have what it takes to live a perfect life. I am going to make mistakes, and I'm going to screw up, and I'm going to beat myself up for it, then repent and ask forgiveness until I cry, until finally rejoicing in the fact that God is ever faithful, even when we are not.

That seems to be the foundation of my prayers here lately. "Thank You God for Your faithfulness." Hopefully one day I can echo the thoughts of Paul, who after many years, could say he had finished there race. For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it... (Luke 14:28). The cost is tremendous, but the reward is eternal. Stamina does not develop overnight, it takes little pieces of endurance to finally come together. This is the analogy of the marathon...

When I began swimming in August of 2009, I had a specific goal to reach. I had to swim 450 meters in 9 minutes or less. That's a lap per minute in a junior olympic pool. The first night I went, I could barely make 2 laps without a break. Within 2 weeks, I could swim the entire distance without stopping, but I wasn't in the range I needed. A month later, I'm swimming a mile nonstop in about 50 minutes. The next month, I'm consistently swimming a mile every morning in 40 minutes. I could relax, and still make my time! This has so many lessons to be gleaned.

I set a new goal to swim a mile in 30 minutes....I never did reach it, because I got lazy. I quit swimming every morning once I passed the test, and my stamina gradually faded. I would have to start near scratch again to get to that point (and I will, just as soon as I get some things figured out!). My endurance kept building, as long as I fed it regularly with more practice. It's about constancy, and dedication. When I had a bad day, I would try harder the next day. A really good day was often followed by a horrible swim. I quit looking at the prize, and got side-tracked. The same is true of our daily walk with Christ.

It's often easy to get distracted by things, and lose sight of the correct heading on your Jesus compass. I have shared with many people something very wise that was taught to me by Nate Wheeler.

Jesus is always 0 degrees. Any deviation, even a fraction of a degree, takes you further away from your end result of sitting with Him at the throne. Not that we don't frequently lose our heading. It's easier to correct from 10 degrees, however, than from 180. That's what the long-distance goal is all about. Staying focused on the prize, having enough left to continue throughout life, instead of flaming quickly and then burning out. Sometimes I wonder if God lets me break periodically to remind me of myself. My testimony would be useless, were it not to be passionately tied to the healing, saving, redeeming power of grace.

Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little. (Luke 7:47)