What Is Going On?

It's been an interesting day. Interesting week, interesting life right now, to be honest.

I do not know what is happening.

I keep waking up, plugging in, pushing forward, and I have absolutely no idea what in the world I'm supposed to be doing. *This is going to be a mess* I said goodbye to a friend tonight, and I have a jumble of thoughts in my head. There was a sadness in me when I realized I will most likely never see this person again this side of heaven. I am so grateful that God maneuvered a chance to see him before he left, because that's exactly what it was. After I said my goodbye, I almost ran out the door for one last hug as I realized the truth that I'll never see him again. But I chose to sit silently and ponder a few things. My head mulled over recent events, my heart, what I want, and what I don't want. As I headed home from a great night with friends, the ever present screaming madness of my personal trial made itself known. In an effort to push it to the back (because it confuses me), I started thinking about the summer ahead. Several people that mean a lot to me are going to be leaving, and tonight was just the first of many goodbyes to come. Despite all the things I could say, I only have one question to ponder...

When the summer is over, and they are gone, will I want to be here in Florida?

There is a voice in my head telling me to go home...to Texas...after the summer, when I've done the things I've committed to do, the things I need to do, telling me to go home. I'm homesick in a way I've never experienced. I don't know what's coming, or what's happening. I don't know why I'm confused, sick, tired, spiritually drained. All I want is more of God, and all I seem to be experiencing is more confusion. I miss my mom, I miss my family, and in the nearly 2 years that I've been here, I've never felt that way.

I'm emotional, it's been a long week, interesting day, and, as always, I need sleep. God will answer my prayers, lead me in the right path, and calm my confusion. But I just needed to get that all out in the meantime.