And So It Begins

Early warning that this may seem a little sporadic,  but it all makes sense somehow...

I started having nightmares last week. In this period of calm, rest, nothingness, it was actually a breath of fresh air. It reminded me that I'm alive and that I'm still a threat to the enemy. Saturday night was the last occurrence, and when I awoke, I immediately felt the spirituality of the dream/nightmare, so I started praying. As I was praying I "remembered" that it was the third night of such events. After a bit of prayer, I fell asleep again, only to have yet another dream, this one much more obvious: a green snake with horns bit me on the foot.

I went to church Sunday with a renewed purpose and fervor to do God's will. Not that mine ever really died, it's just been in limbo the last couple of months while nothing has been happening. I came home, and anointed the entire house. I slept like a baby last night.

This evening, however, I am restless in my sleeplessness, overcharged as I desperately try to discover the next season of God's purpose in my life. Tonight there were talks in my house of starting a new church with a strong music ministry. As I laid here just a few short minutes ago, God whispered to me that the reason for my discontent of late is that I'm not doing what I was created to do.

My calling and purpose is worship...every part of my life for the last 31 years speaks to that: I was trained in classical piano for 11 years, active in band and choir in high school, almost majored in music in college. Regardless of all the technical history, God has anointed me to lead worship. The experiences I have had are far greater in talent and leading that I could ever achieve on my own...it is ALL HIM.

This season of rest is coming to a close, and I honestly could not be happier. I want to be a life-changer in the Kingdom of God, and fulfill what I was created to do. Knowing your purpose for God, and not doing it is the most frustrating thing I've experienced in a long time. I'm supposed to show people how to get into the presence of God, and futile efforts at anything else just do not satisfy.

And maybe there's pride, because all worship leaders have to deal with that nasty little issue. I enjoy experiencing worship from the congregation, I enjoy worshipping in my own private little world without a microphone or piano in front of me. Selfishly, I could take it in like a heroin addict: in the car, on the treadmill, in the pews, it doesn't really matter. Music is music no matter where I am, and I'm singing praises to God when no one is looking. But the reality is that God's call is His call....and although He is always enough, we are created to be a part of His body, to have a ministry, whatever form it takes.

This is about me, but I hope in reading it, you are challenged in your own walk with God, in your own calling, to seek and pray and discover the purpose that God has placed upon your life. Remember, Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you..(Jeremiah 1:5). This promise is specific to the OT prophet Jeremiah to be a prophet to the nations, but the truth is that God knew each one of us before we ever drew a breath, and He plans for each one of us to have a significant responsibility in bringing the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth.

Go find your purpose.