Dreams

A man has a dream..two dreams actually. He dreams of an exalted place...a destiny of greatness. His family is unsupportive, to say the least. As a matter of fact, they try to kill him. He finds himself a slave to a powerful man. Blessed with grace, he is placed in a position of power, only to eventually be thrown in jail for an infraction of which he is innocent. Two years later, he is set free after the leader of a nation discovers he has special abilities. 13 years after his initial dreams of greatness, his destiny is realized--Joseph, youngest son of Israel (Jacob)-Genesis 37, 39-48

We all have a destiny that God has whispered, spoken, or yelled over our lives. It may be the awesome responsibility of being a parent, or perhaps traveling the world ministering to areas that have never heard the Gospel message, or maybe it's a stage in front of thousands sharing a testimony of redemption. Whatever the dream, know that God's timing is not your own. Some days will be high places that make you feel close to realizing the fulfillment of this dream. Some days are spent in prison, waiting for a promise to be kept.

It is in these YEARS of waiting, testing, building, breaking, growing, changing....that your faithfulness is being tested...

WAIT on the Lord....He will release your destiny when you are ready!!!!!

Lost and Found

3 weeks of searching and I found a church. Hallelujah, God is good. I've been floundering, feeling lost without the comfort of my amazing church family in Pensacola. I am firmly convinced that the people of Liberty will NEVER be replaced. That does not, however, mean that I am impervious to the need for the Body surrounding me, covering me, and keeping me accountable.

I should be joyful, victorious, celebratory...and I am...

But...

I still don't know where to go, and what to do next...

I love my family, but I can't stay here forever, and admittedly, they drive me crazy at times. The rest and ease financially is amazing, and part of me wants to curl up and take the easy road, while the rest of me longs to break free and LEAVE...again.

The pastor at my new church was extremely excited about meeting me today, wants to get me plugged in, leading worship, part of their team. I am grateful, but that means staying in east Texas...not exactly on my bucket list.

The World Race....11 countries in 11 months....massive missions work traveling the world...$15,500 in fundraising, leaving everything behind, pausing my seminary degree....this is a consideration. The things of this world are losing their hold in my heart, and I want to travel and serve others. Is now the time? Or is the opportunity simply exciting?

I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Admittedly, the absence of a church family has taken its toll on me the last several weeks. Maybe I'm complaining, and maybe I'm confused, and maybe I should stop, because this is a season of rest....and I guess I just don't know how to sit, and be still, and WAIT...

Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart (Psalm 27:14)

In the Quiet

It's been awhile since I've posted anything, and it's because of the adjustments of moving. I never expected that I would have to give up the life I loved to move back home. When I left, I thought this life was dead. Apparently God wants to breathe life into it. In the past couple of weeks, a few learning experiences have been illuminated. I apologize if it seems somewhat scattered...

You are the light of the world (Matthew 5:14) - I am constantly surrounded by people that could be considered "unchurched." What a different world from the one where 99.9% of my friends were from my church. From my job to my family to my old friends, most of the people in my life are uncommitted believers. I am faced with the challenge of constantly making sure that I am exhibiting Kingdom principles, that my life is one that is above reproach, that in word, deed, and thought I am representing what Christ has healed and transformed in my own life. Going forth starts with going home in my case.

Be submissive to one another (1 Peter 5:5) - This is manifesting itself in the commandment to "Honor thy mother and father." I've been living my life the past couple of years under the teaching to be prepared to hate my parents to follow Christ (Luke 14:26). For that season, I needed to be independent and separated to immerse myself in what God had planned for me. This is a season of learning to submit to authority. I find myself subjected to the opinions of other's...opinions that I could ignore from halfway across the country. I repeat James 1:19 to myself: swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath...with an emphasis on the second part. Learning to respect the God-given authority when I do not agree is an exercise in self-control. But I am grateful for the lesson.

A servant is not greater than his master (John 13:16) - I have been serving the church for the last year, but service has taken on a greater meaning in my life. I'm not great at this, but I keep considering all the tasks I do, and I am trying to approach them as acts of service done in love for other people. It's no secret that I despise housekeeping, but I am reminding myself to consider every chore an act of service for someone else. It's a work in progress, but I find myself drawn more and more to the thought of greater service...missions.

Be still, and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10) - I read another blog today and read her thoughts on the still, quiet season. I am there. In the loss of worship that I loved so much, I find that there is a deafening silence. So now there is nothing: no worship team, no church family, no small groups. There is only my Bible, iPad, and prayer. I have been stripped to the elemental truth of the Gospel...left alone to hold tightly to my relationship with God...adrift in an unknown, yet too familiar environment. I am guilty of depending on the religious trappings to fill in the gaps of my own spiritual walk....it is all me, and all God. Sometimes there is fear of being weakened by this isolation, but then I dig in. There is no spiritual high, just a rest. Be still....

This is enough for now. I will try to be more faithful in blogging. I leave you with a song that has been speaking to me in the void; one of the last songs I worshiped to with the church I miss so much:

Letting Go

This is such an interesting experience...and when I use the word interesting, I mean INTERESTING. The range of emotions is weird, and different than I expected it to be. It has to do with people. There are some that I expected to miss that I do not. There are others than I almost forgot about, but now will not. Responses have been positive. There are some that I know I will never see again.

I came, I built relationships, some will last, but others will not. I will go, build relationships, some will flourish, some will not. It's the nature of life, this whole goodbye. There is something in me that is not built to say put...a restlessness that makes me want to be always moving. So now I go to Texas, but in the future, who knows?

I've got my directions from God, so that is what I'm going to do. Today, however, I finish letting go of this dream, the one I created for myself, the one I let capture my heart.

Goodbye Pensacola