It's funny, and completely awesome, how a relentless pursuit of God changes EVERYTHING! It's not surprising, however, that trusting in God when He asks you to jump off the cliff, actually works.
My son, God will provide for Himself the lamb for a burnt offering. (Genesis 22:8). The story this verse is woven into is a powerful testament to faith, sacrifice, and loyalty. After God makes His covenant with Abraham, and gives him a son, he asks him to sacrifice that son. Abraham obeys God, to the point of raising his knife to kill Isaac, but God stops his hand, and provides a substitute sacrifice. From this story, we get the name Yahweh Yi'reh which translates from Hebrew to mean "God will provide." So here we have this precedent, from the very beginning of the Bible, of reciprocal faithfulness.
I use this in the context of my own life here lately. I got lost my first semester of school, overwhelmed by full-time class, full-time job, and trying to serve. I prayed hard for God to make more time for our relationship, and He got rid of the job. I'm not going to lie and say that there aren't moments throughout the day where I have that "Oh crap" feeling about where basic necessities like electricity and water and groceries will come from, but I just keep pushing forward. I know it will be ok, even if I don't know how. If I can just make it to September 8...I started this post because I was sitting here thinking about how lucky I am to have this time to be able to serve in different ministries, and to really dig in to what God is asking of me. I'm trying to build a schedule that consists of school, ministry, and spiritual growth. And I'm completely stoked about giving my time to, and for, God...
I'm loaded up for 15 hours next semester (part of which is my own fault), so school is definitely ON beginning August 22. My books have already arrived and are taking up a HUGE portion of my bookcase, haha. I could build muscle just picking up my theology textbooks. Church History I & II, New Testament II, Old Testament I, and Systematic Theology I. And this semester, I'm gonna do better. No more F's!
Next Monday, August 1, I begin my Teen Challenge class. I'm so excited to work with these women. I've been thinking about making lesson outlines, etc. I think the first segment off teaching is going to be on how to pray. Prayer is so powerful, and quite misunderstood. I said I was going to make disciples out of them, and you've got to have the basics, like prayer! So I'm going to teach them about prayer, and everything the Bible says about how to pray. We're going to spend some time learning from Matthew 6, and I'm going to show them how to read prayerfully, about the different kinds of prayer...basically just anything and everything about prayer is happening. I prob DO need to formulate some plans, so I can outline each segment of teaching at the outset. I can honestly tell you that the excitement I feel for this particular ministry is definitely at the top of my list right now.
I volunteered to serve in the nursery at church, starting in August, and I'm just waiting on the schedule. I love babies, especially those that belong to other people! It's an opportunity to give my time that really requires no teaching or leading, but it's an important aspect of belonging to the body of Christ, because it allows others to have uninterrupted time in their spiritual growth. And I get my baby fix, lol.
I auditioned for the worship team at church, just last night. Notice how I underlined the term audition? It's because I don't know if it went very well. Sheet music went flying when I was trying to play the keyboard, after only an hour of practice after not playing in 7 years or so (prob more). I sang, but a couple of notes were off key. So, we shall see. God has been whispering in my ear about putting my musical ability to use. I'll be honest, hopefully still humble, and say that I'm pretty sure that I didn't spend half my life learning to play the piano for NO reason. I offered to teach someone yesterday, so maybe He's trying to open up a pathway to a source of income. Music is really powerful, so I hope that it's something I get to integrate into my ministry walk.
The next question...do I really want to lead a small group, or am I pushing the point of overextending myself? We shall see, as tonight is women's ministry meeting, and again, I'm feeling that compelling push from God to take another step. I feel like He's saying "book study". I have 23 books in my cart at Amazon....seriously? Pick one? This is another "we shall see" area.
I used to be consumed with ME, with money, with things....it's so lovely to be consumed with God. I'll end with a GREAT song!
But woe to you Pharisees! For you tithe mint and rue and all manner of herbs, and pass by justice and the love of God. These you ought to have done, without leaving the others undone. Woe to you Pharisees! For you love the best seats in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like graves which are not seen, and the men who walk over them are not aware of them. (Luke 11:42-44)
The Pharisees in Jesus day were consumed with the law (Torah, given to Moses on Mount Sinai). They followed the letter of the law in terms of cleanliness and moral actions. They considered themselves better because they were obedient to God by following His rules. The entire Gospel shows Jesus preaching an entirely different message. He talks about love, and being of the Spirit, and that obedience comes not out of being right, but out of pure love for God.
Consider the story of the prodigal son. Two sons, one a selfish spendthrift that comes home with the intention of begging. The other a loyal, faithful steward of the family. Timothy Keller, in the book The Prodigal God, states that both brothers are lost. It's easy for us to see the mistakes of the younger brother: the selfish taking of his piece of the estate, his immoral wanderings, the decimation of his fortune, and his desire to return home in humility. Pay attention to the elder brother, though! When the father welcomed the youngest son back into the family with celebration and love, he responded with anger, and said,Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time, and yet you never....(Luke 15:29) He felt that his obedience and loyalty earned him a spectacular reward, and then realized that his profligate younger brother reaped the benefits HE expected to receive. Wow, he was mad! Keller proposes that trying to be moral by upholding the Lord's commandments is a way of trying to control God, to control what happens in our lives, and that these actions are a symptom of lost-ness, more so than even the immoral younger brother, because the elder brother often doesn't seem himself as a Pharisee.
A Pharisee is a legalist. Legalism is a term referring to an over-emphasis on discipline of conduct, or legal ideas, usually implying an allegation of misguided rigor, pride, superficiality, the neglect of mercy, and ignorance of the grace of God or emphasizing the letter of the law over the Spirit. This type of behavior doesn't make you a Christian, and doesn't provide a fire policy, although a lot of people think it does.
You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is highly esteemed among men is an abomination in the sight of God. (Luke 16:15)
Remember that Jesus said the truth will set us free?
I started praying Saturday, because I had no idea what I was going to say to these women recovering from all kinds of problems in life. On Sunday, I kept coming across Romans 8:28...
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
So I prayed some more, and read the entire book of Romans, and ended up getting some outlining done for a message on sin and righteousness, which ended up not feeling right at all. I did, however, learn a new Greek word that I feel in love with.
It's hamartia and its literal translation is to "miss the mark", and it's used in the Bible to refer to sin. I love the fact that the phrase "to miss the mark" denotes sinning. What a perfect way to describe it!
So I'm just going to post the outline for the message I gave. What really was the most amazing part, was that these women kept coming up to me afterwards, and some of the things they said to me:
The things you said, that's my LIFE....
I'm battling depression, and I want to be free....will you pray for me?
I need strength to finish this program, please pray for me?
May we pray for you?
I was so moved and thankful that God answered my prayers like HE always does. That he provided the words in my mouth that were not my own. I deviated from the outline I planned, I said things I hadn't meant to, used illustrations that weren't planned, skipped scripture I had planned to share. But there was this moment, where I felt this fire churning up in my body, and I knew that His spirit was about to take over, and I was grateful. I don't want to be anything other than an instrument for Him to speak to others. I don't want the words to be mine, I only want them to be HIS. It was perfect. I can't wait to go back and get to know these women on a weekly basis, to teach them about the Bible, to teach them how to be like Jesus. In speaking with several of them, it seems like they desire to spend more time in His Word, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to teach them how to be disciples!
God is so faithful....and perfect, and if I were to try to thank Him for every good thing in my life, I would die before I got done talking!
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ. (Philippians 4:6-7)
Monday: Still reeling from my self-imposed spiritual trauma, I woke up to find my car being repossessed. Yes, I realize that does in fact usually happen after a long period of personal mistakes. I was well aware of the situation, and honestly just waiting for the ax to fall, but it hasn't made the transition any easier thus far. Food probably wasn't really on my mind, and I doubt I ate. Monday was cover my head with the blankets and wish I had never been born day.....with prayer.
Tuesday: So I wake up a little stronger....funny how it always happens that way. I contact a few people who I consider to be good listeners/advice givers/etc.....I called a cab, left the house, and went and had a long talk with a spiritual mentor. And I left feeling significantly better. I had plans to attend a youth revival that evening, and when I got home, I was thanking God for His amazing faithfulness. Then I walked in the door to my apartment, and the electricity had been turned off. Now, I thought seriously I paid it in June, but apparently NOT. I just sucked it up, thought to myself that Jesus didn't have a car or electricity in Jerusalem, and He was just fine (from a ministry standpoint, at least). I went to the church event, which was AMAZING, and came home to sleep in a pretty steamy sauna. Food: Sonic burger. Wednesday: I awake to a very hot bedroom, but I'm thinking about how much worse it could be. I have no electricity, which means my cell phone is dead from no charging, my laptop is dead for the same reason, I don't have internet because the modem is off, my food is going bad, and the lack of a vehicle and any money has me trapped. At last, I decide this isn't going to do, and without knowing what exactly I'm doing, and having maybe a dime to my name, I take a shower, and leave the house, walking without destination. My path takes me down the street to neighbors I've never met before, who loaned me the use of an outlet to charge my phone, a cigarette (I'm stressed, ok?), and $7. God truly blesses! At the same time, I'm trying to be steadfast in the lack of power at my house, and the day is getting hotter. I have a new neighbor, that has been a Godsend....so I go visit my new neighbor, and I get a call from Teen Challenge about a speaking engagement that was planned for August. Surprisingly, they want me to speak this coming Monday night instead! God speaks and rewards us when we stay faithful! The day continued as every person I knew refused to loan me money to turn on the electricity, so I ended up begging, and the night was spent in church. I believe this was the day that my mom pretty much told me to give up. Food: three bites of pasta.
Thursday: Day 3 in the sweltering heat of no air conditioning. At this point, I'm pretty much starting to lose my mind, but I have an early morning appointment to get my last set of injections, which involves great drugs and napping. Again, my new neighbor has been an amazing blessing. I get another phone call, this time from the worship pastor at the North campus of my church, where they're having auditions in a week. I had decided not to go through with it, but the phone call changed my mind, and gave me something else positive from God to praise to know that He is with me, even as my world is falling apart. A few minutes later, the phone rings again, and it's my job, releasing me from my duties, effective immediately. Talk about ups and downs! And as I'm about to have maybe the biggest freakout of my entire mental life, my phone rings, and I hyperventilate to the one person I don't need to talk to! However, it's the one person who actually repairs the power situation, to which I am exceedingly grateful. Power is restored, last night at Branded by Fire (an amazing event), and I'm so full of God that I can't stand it. Food: rice.
Friday: We'll just go ahead and call this "lost my mind bad decision Friday." With the exception of my very last paycheck which still left me in the red, and not having any idea how in the world I'm going to produce money for the next two months, it begins as a good day. It remains a good day: I get a little cleaning done, fun evening with a friend, and two whole pieces of pizza! Unfortunately, I know what follows any "bad decision" day, and its usually "guilt ridden". I don't have time right now, however, to spend another 3 days freaking out. I have a million other things to do!
What's happening now, right?
Well, after a predictable guilty Saturday, I shook it off, read the Cross and the Switchblade, which is the inspiring story of how Teen Challenge began, and I've been praying about what message God wants me to present tomorrow night to these troubled kids. What do I say? I want it to be purely from God, and I don't want to misrepresent. Part of me keeps going back to my testimony as my strongest way to witness, but with the events of the last week unfolding, I'm not sure what to say. I just keep praying, and I keep coming across inspiring scripture, but it's all muddled in my brain. On top of that, I'm managing my anger, because I just love the way people are never exactly what you expect them to be. Tonight blesses me with a friend I haven't seen in 7 years for a brief visit, and the day involves praying and preparing for tomorrow night.
With everything in prayer and supplication....
I just keep dropping to my knees, both figuratively, and literally. Every day last week, bad things would happen, and I would praise God. Good things would happen, and I would praise Him even more. The cycle continues, and I just keep singing His glory. The devil stays inside my head, and I'll admit that I've lost a battle or two over the last week. But the fact remains that I am FREE from the "sting of death" of sin, that even though I screw up regularly, the amazing love behind GRACE saves me, although I am pathetically unworthy. I just raise my hands, and beg for forgiveness, thanking God for the gift of Jesus, knowing that the Spirit lives in me, blesses me, and guides my path. That even though I may stumble and fall, I am not lost, and I am not removed from the most amazing love EVER!
It's like taking one step forward, and two steps back.
I feel like Paul, or David. Just a complete screw up.
Everything has a purpose and a plan. Amazing how I had to be reminded of that about an hour ago. I look back on the past decade, and I'm like, "Wow, God, you knew exactly what you were doing. You were shaping me to be this specific person with every awful thing, every single day, both good and bad." Somehow I'm having a harder time buying it today.
But I need something MORE! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't DO it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. --Romans 7:17-20 MSG
The sinner Paul, the apostle Paul, the murderer Paul, wrote those words. A friend told me one day that we have to learn to live in God's love, and to love God, without thinking of ourselves as horrible, sinful people. Pretty sure I can't exactly do that, because I'm a sinful, horrible person.
I heard a comment the other day that temptation was not sin. Jesus faced temptation, but He never gave in. The perfectionist in me wants to be that way, but how unrealistic is that? There's a reason why He is the only perfect person EVER...so that he would be worthy to take on the payment for the rest of us wicked little people. I really hate Satan....just sayin...
So this book is AMAZING! Seriously. Some friends and I bought it in audio format for a friend as a going away present a few months ago, about the same time I started reading it, and upon finishing it, my friend said he wanted to go be a missionary. I kinda feel the same way, but it's definitely going to be something new for me. At the end of the book, Platt proposes a one year experiment called the Radical Experiment. It's a five part process that he asks you to commit to for only a year.
1) Pray for the entire world. 2) Read through the entire Word. 3) Sacrifice your money for a specific purpose. 4) Spend your time in another context. 5) Commit your life to a multiplying community.
So, I'm gonna do it!!!!! In the following ways:
When Jesus was surrounded by those in need in Matthew 9, he tells his disciples to pray to send someone to the needy. Intercession is a type of prayer in which you pray for the Holy Spirit to move in the lives of others. It's a part of a worship service I attend when I have the chance. But, for the next year, I'm going to regularly pray for God to send servants with His Word to the 4.5 billion people that don't know Jesus. And I bought a little book that I'm going to write down who else I'm supposed to be praying for, because it keeps getting larger and larger, and I'm starting to lose track. So, I have a prayer request book now!
The second part is actually integrated into my seminary studies, because over the next year I'm reading through the Bible in the way that my teachers request, I'm almost halfway through the New Testament, and will finish it, and begin the Old Testament in late fall. I read Ephesians today, and it's just so beautiful. God is so good!
The third part is a little trickier, because I don't have a lot of money, and I'm about to have even less without a job. And this is where I've decided to get REALLY radical. I'm going to get rid of my car, and the insurance, and the gas, and for one year, I'm going to rely on public transportation. Crazy, I know, but we have a pretty good system here, and it's not a far walk. This actually works out in other ways, because of something I haven't posted yet. I've felt that God wants me to spend my time in ministry, even without pay, instead of finding a job. So, I've already arranged to teach a class every Monday afternoon at Teen Challenge. I've also decided that I'm going to use the public transit system to share the gospel with whomever is willing to listen. I know it sounds a little insane, but you know what? I don't really care how crazy I sound. I can take the bus into town, buy a homeless person lunch, and sit and talk with them about their life and Jesus. Or, I can sit and read my bible on the bus for several trips, and catch the curious looks, and pray that the Holy Spirit leads them to ask questions. This is how I'm sacrificing, and for a specific population, the underprivileged.
The fourth part is to spend your time in another context, which Platt identifies as spending a week outside your regular area of ministry. I don't know how this is going to work out, but I'm going to pray for guidance, and plan a mission trip over the next year. Maybe I'll just drive across the border to Mexico, or maybe something else will come along. Maybe I'll spend a week helping out after a natural disaster. Whatever call God puts on me to minister in another area, I will follow.
Last, but not least, to commit to a community. This means to commit to a church. I've been bouncing back and forth between two campuses of the same church, and I don't know if that's committing, but perhaps it's time to decide upon one or the other. The problem is that I have people at both locations I like to see and hear. Maybe I can join both campuses.
The primary argument Platt advances is that of Jesus' last words to His disciples before He ascended to heaven: to go and make disciples out of all the nations. Not to water them down with Americanized Christianity, but to create another disciple, that will create more disciples. To GO, out into the world, not just your town, and spread the Gospel, to spread the good news. I don't know about you, but I want to be like Jesus, and He didn't build megachurches (or 6 flags over Jesus, as I like to call them). He traveled with 12 guys that were kind of a mess, and made disciples out of them. Sounds like a pretty awesome strategy to me!
