Worship

I've been sitting here relaxing on this New Year's eve, listening to worship music preparing myself for church this weekend. I play the keys, it's pretty cool. So I make a playlist on YouTube every week of the songs and just listen to them on repeat.

It hit me today what it really means to lead worship, and that is the fact that you're standing up there, completely transparent, loving God for everyone to see.

Completely transparent...showing a vulnerable side of yourself.

Worship needs to be done with emotion, passion, adoration, and exultation.

Happy New Year!

My Favorite Holiday

I don't do New Year's resolutions.

Mainly because I realize that we set ourselves up for failure expecting so much just because the earth circled the sun one more time. I do, however, love the concept of a new year, and a fresh start. I've always said that New Year's Day was my favorite holiday, and it still is. I make it a lazy day, a day of reflection, and a day of expecting big things for the next year. Maybe it's kinda silly, but for me, it's like a big RESET button that comes around every 365 days.

As the day draws near, I still feel that new thing lingering on God's horizon for me.

About 4 months ago, I ordered several books from Amazon, and one of them sat on the shelf until this week. Blame it on school, or whatever, but I've realized it is (as always) God's perfect timing. It's a book about fasting, and I'm torn writing this, because I'm remembering Jesus' words in Matthew 6:16-18 about not fasting for outward appearances, and I'm most definitely not. The funny little thing about this timing, is that the author of the book leads a corporate fast at his church at the start of every new year. I am inspired, to begin my own.

I'm not going to be specific, because this is my thing with and for God, but I'm eagerly looking for clarification in my life. I am confident that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now, and that God has richly blessed me in the last couple of months (my whole life truthfully). However, I feel as if I'm on autopilot, without knowing my destination.

There are a few prayers I'd like answered as well. I just feel the need to push in right now, to go deeper, to saturate myself in His presence as much as possible.

New Year, new start...make it count!!!!!

Merry Jesus Christ-mas

365 days can bring about radical change. Never be persuaded otherwise. There's only one person, however, that can do such a stunning feat.

Today we're celebrating His birthday.

The privilege of this holiday is the fact that it all exists for one purpose: the birth of Jesus.

Have a beautiful, blessed, wonderful Christmas.

This song speaks to me of what Jesus meant to Israel...I've been in the Old Testament for over 2 months...what can I say? 

Hurry Up Already!!!

I heard someone say the other day to stop working on your weaknesses because we're weak at doing them! Perhaps there is room for a little chuckle here, but it almost makes sense. Sure, we should strive to become better at the things in which we lack, but what if maybe we shouldn't? Maybe we should just ignore those things, give them to God, and work on the things that we're already good at.

I'm terrible with patience.

Even when I'm trying to be impatiently patient, I do a poor job. I'm a instant gratification junkie, and I've been known to make a decision out of poor options rather than wait for a good one to come along. Granted, I've improved, but there are still areas where I should just throw in the towel.

Now, I know that God's timing is impeccable, and mine is crap. Got that. But I find myself sometimes saying, "can't we just hurry up and get to that part?" I'm wishing my life away, and that's not something I want to do. Instead of waiting patiently, I'm praying for days to pass more quickly, and the end result to be nearer.

So patience, maybe I should quit trying so hard and just embrace impatience and pray for God to fix it.

I don't like uncertainty, either, but I can save that subject for a different day!

The Big Blue

 People often ask me, Why did you move to Pensacola? This is the answer:

That's me, October 2009, on my first trip to Pensacola. Perhaps I should give a little bit of background information. Diving was my thing, literally, it was the only thing. I fell in love with it about the same time my marriage fell apart. Fill the void, right? I was in super dive training mode after that. Diving is the most amazing experience on the planet, and I still feel that way to this day, but back then, it was still kinda new, and I was obsessed. I went from Open Water class, to Advanced, on my way to becoming a Divemaster. At this point in time, I had just finished Master Diver class (tons of physics and diving to 100ft in a cold, black lack in Arkansas), and four of my diving classmates and I had decided to take a little weekend trip to Pensacola to dive the famous Oriskany. It was my first time in the ocean, and it blew my mind. So I made up my mind that I was going to move to Florida...eventually. Fast-forward 10 months, and I decided to do it. Happy 30th birthday, welcome to my new life as a scuba bum...

Seriously....the plan was to move here, work to make just enough money to dive, and live the dream. That's me the week I moved here. Things did not go as planned...I made some costly mistakes, and put myself in a position that was really unhealthy. In order to fix it, I had to step away from this thing that I loved the most. I've been diving 7 times this year...I used to dive every single weekend. There have been times throughout the last year that I have been desperately sad that I'm not in the water. And oh how I've longed for that complete escape from reality that it always brings me. But this has not been a year of escaping from reality....far from it. It's been a year of learning to let go. That's the reality, pay attention...sometimes we have to release something that we love intensely, so that God can do something wonderful. 

And maybe I've learned how to find that nirvana outside of the water, in the random moments of life that God completely fills up. To take that freeing feeling of zero gravity (see picture above) and translate it to life. I began to wonder if I would ever be able to dive like that again. The most likely answer is NO, because I have too many other responsibilities. But I'm going to get close. The beauty of this attempt, is that it is for God's glory and purpose...not my own. 

There are only two populations in the world that get to regularly experience life without gravity. By the way, gravity is my favorite of all natural laws, but not something that can be contained within this particular post. Two populations: astronauts and scuba divers. What an amazing sensation! And there is nothing more awesome than floating along in the big blue with a 200lb sea turtle and barracuda hanging out next to you. And then they give you this look like..."what a weird fish!" There is a daunting variety of life hidden beneath the surface of water that not very many people get to see. And it's my passion. So now I get to share it with other people, which is what life is all about...relationships!

In January, our new small groups are kicking off at church. When I first moved from Blue Angel to the North campus, there was a diving group that popped up in announcements from time to time, but never really went anywhere. So God presents an opportunity to take the skills and knowledge He has given me, and use them for His benefit. I am a divemaster, which means that I'm educated and certified to lead other divers around (no small feat, let me tell you!). And I have contacts and information about the local dive industry. So, starting in February, this small group will be diving twice a month and having a fellowship dinner once a month. It's not just about diving with other believers, however, because I know a ton of divers that won't step foot in the doors of a church, so it's an excellent opportunity to reach people who maybe wouldn't otherwise be involved with God. 

So tell your friends, like the facebook page HERE, and watch for coming announcements and activities. I'm excited to get back in the water for the right reason! And just as a bonus, my favorite sea turtle of all time:

Life Less...

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. - Isaiah 43:19

I hear this verse in my head all the time these days...God in my head, saying I am doing a new thing Stacey. So much of it is outside my comprehension, and although I know something is happening, I'm not entirely sure what that something is.

On the way to work this afternoon I saw the most incredible rainbow. It was such a dreary, rainy day...perfect for sleeping in til noon, which I did! But there it was, remarkably brilliant against the backdrop of gray rain. Completely formed across the entire spectrum of light, in a complete arc. It was a perfect moment of beauty.

I perceive that something is coming, that God is bringing me to some unknown place. That now is a period of resting, of waiting, of being content with things just as they are.

Is it wrong to feel bliss in the laziness? As someone who is obsessed with being busy all the time, it's almost confusing to have free time. This isn't coming out right today...

I'm empty, but I feel full...

Perhaps that is the point right now.

A Little Tease of What's Coming...

I have a million things to say...well, at least a hundred. My mind is all a jumble at this point, though, and I've still got two days of school to get through. For a bit of good news, though, it's looking like 2 A's and 1 B....considering that the past couple semesters have been rather sad in comparison, I'm pretty excited. But I'm not finished yet, and those projections are based on finishing two more exams and one more research paper.

Then, maybe, I'll be able to spill out everything that's going on right now. Here are a few hints, for myself to remember as much as for you to expect!

• Freedom (which I mentioned about a week ago)
• Moving and my new roommate
• Scuba diving small group (oh yeah, it's back!)
• Crafting: painting and some reupholstering projects
• Royalty...I'm super excited about this. It's based on a book by Kris Vallotton from Bethel, and he's sending me the book and the workbook to preview. I think this is going to be a mind-blowing, life changing small group.
• What my job means for my future
• New friendships

In the meantime, I re-posted something from August. It's hidden in the files, but you're more than welcome to help yourself to a little bit more of the past, in my current absence. This place keeps getting more personal, but I'm just hoping that maybe someone will read something that I've had to struggle through, and find some sort of help. The reason for our trials, after all, is to show God's magnificent glory in overcoming life's heartaches.

I hope everyone is staying excited and strong this holiday  season. Remembering the real reason for celebration, whose birthday it TRULY is, and not to let the concept of Jesus ruin who He really is. In the spirit of it being almost Christmas, I'll post one of my newly found favorite songs to celebrate His birth.

Same Old Song and Dance

It's week 7, and I'm feeling the stress, the pain, the crunch that I always feel. At this point, I've experienced this just enough to be slightly dangerous to myself.

The writer's block is there, but I'm just pushing through as hard as I can. I have 3.3 papers left to write (because I've managed to almost finish one) in 10 days. One of them is a 12-15 research paper that I know is going to hurt my brain. But it's not due til next Friday. There is another long research paper to write, and I just found out I have to scrap everything I had and start from scratch...it's due Sunday. The third is a short (5 page) literary analysis of an OT passage, also due Sunday. Added to that all the normal reading, writing, and testing that happens every week. I was ahead when the semester started, and here I am, behind again. I just keep praying for endurance.

Added to that, I'm sick - I think I have the flu - and I don't really want to do anything except sleep, but I have way too much schoolwork to do to even consider that. Every morning I wake up and want to just lay there and rest my poor sick body, but my mind starts screaming at me to finish all the above mentioned work. I'm sure the stress is not helping my physical condition at all.

Oh, AND, I'm still extremely broke. Suffice to say that I'm still trying to not have my phone or electricity turned off. I work, I donate plasma (probably why I'm so sick), and I eat ramen noodles. Why is this so hard???? I hate being poor. As a side note, and why not, right? There is a button at the bottom of this page to support my blog. If you happen to be feeling in the generous Christmas spirit, I could most definitely use the help.

Last, of course, the 6 week "curse" came last week. I should probably explain this just a little bit. The guy from the truth posts has previously infiltrated my situation every single semester in week 6. Each time in the past, it has thrown me for a tailspin emotionally and spiritually, and in succumbing to the obvious temptation, I did myself in. True to form, something happened last week. I got this, hmm, I guess it was a letter, of semi explanation, and requesting forgiveness. Seriously, COULD YOU NOT HAVE WAITED UNTIL AFTER THE SEMESTER WAS OVER????? My initial response still, is "why bother?" I did not, and do not, need an explanation. The apology was nice, but in asking my forgiveness, I was obligated to respond.

The freedom (blog post on that coming soon) that I have gained since cutting the ties has been amazing and marvelous. I don't want to go back to the bondage I was living in before. Every time I see him now, I want to quote Jesus and say, Get behind me Satan! Now, I'm not saying in any way that this person is the devil, but we all know that he uses other people, even Christians, to harm us. And the enemy loves to use this particular person against me. I don't care if I have to hide for the next two weeks, but I am closing my eyes, plugging my ears, refusing to let even a hint of communication sway me from the path I chose. The Bible says flee from immorality, and I think about Joseph and Potipher's wife.

Just, ugh...on all fronts right now. Completely directed at Satan's attempts to ruin God's calling in my life, as he always does, every semester, faithfully at the 6-8 week mark. I hate that guy.