Preferential Worship

Father forgive me my arrogance...

I thought I knew what worship meant. I have prided myself on understanding what it means to soak in His presence...I have reveled in the fact that I am good at demonstrating abandonment....I have selfishly chosen songs that move me.

I have been very, very wrong.

As mentioned in a previous post, I am newly in charge of worship for a church replant. To make a long story short, it's an older church that has pretty much died. They have brought in a new pastor to birth a new legacy for this church, and man is his vision awesome! Along those lines, I have tried to blend traditional and contemporary worship. I have tried to be open with the feedback, sensitive to the congregation, flexible with my worship plan, song arrangement, vocal style, and even vision...which ended up causing a very troubling day for me. In trying to make everyone else happy, I lost sight of the purpose.

Oops.

I left practice feeling frustrated, troubled, burdened, and confused. Not overwhelmed, thank goodness....just wrong. It's no longer about picking songs. This is about so much more than that.

I came home and sought answers in the one place where they are always found: His Word. As I thumbed through Ephesians where I have been all week, I found the answer...

Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God (Ephesians 5:17-21).

The Israelites did not worship God based on their preferences, but on clearly defined expectations that He commanded in the law. Just as they find their design in the OT, so can we find design in the New.

To me: do not be foolish, and seek the will of God.
To the congregation: open our hearts to the movement of the Spirit, which is compared to a state of drunkenness.
To the team: psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs....regarding ALL THINGS HIM.
To the church: submit to one another.

As always, He has humbled me with His greatness. I have been reminded that the true purpose of worship is simply worshipping God. It's not about any of us, myself included. We must throw out our preconceived notions of what worship is supposed to look like. It doesn't have to be traditional, and it doesn't have to be contemporary.  It doesn't have to include a killer band, or awesome lights, or a sick sound system (although those things are super cool). He doesn't need to hear 3 harmonies on a hundred year old hymn or my vocal rendition of Hillsong. He needs us to be honest, to listen, to respond, to remove ourselves from the process. We must ask ourselves a singular question:

What has HE done?

All that we are, all that we do, all that we have stems from that one reality. The answers to the question are infinite. Therefore, our worship must be geared towards one specific truth:

Who HE is.

Our worship should be filled with adoration, exaltation, passion ,submission, devotion, and celebration directed at our perfect triune God.

No worship leader is immune from pride, a fact that I have always known. Our lesson as musicians comes from the original worship leader of heaven, and his own eternally costly mistake of idolatry of self. I am awed and inspired at the way I was very gently reminded of this today. Correction came swiftly and specifically, and the reward for my repentance was the gift of a new vision.

I would like to challenge the non-musicians with a thought...as we sit in the audience and observe the ritual of worship, is the idol of preference distorting the true goal? As we sit and perform our amateur critique of the vocals, song selection, arrangement, lighting, etc...are we really concerned about what God thinks? Or is it just what WE think?

Walk Away

One of my many favorite stories of the Old Testament is found in Genesis 22. Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you (v. 2). This was the son of PROMISE..the son given to Abraham and Sarah in old (really old) age...the son that was to be the birth of a nation...that son that Abraham loved.

So Abraham gathers up his son Isaac, takes him up the mountain, proceeds to prepare the offering, answers poor Issac's questions about the missing animal, then raises his knife to slaughter his own beloved son.

Many of us, when considering this story, find it impossible to comprehend. In applying it to situations other than parenthood, it is still a difficult task to surrender something that God has graciously given us. We often tend to think that it is ours to hold, when the reality is that without God's provision, it would not be ours to begin with.

Do not lay your hand on the lad, or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me (v. 12).

The first commandment given to us, and reiterated in the NT, is to love God above all else...other people and other things. Sometimes even the things that God has given us to serve Him can become idols.

I say all this as I share some news. I love worship; anyone who knows me even a little knows this much. The most difficult part of leaving Florida was leaving the worship team. I still knew the promise, but at that particular moment in time, I had to sacrifice it because God asked...to go to a place with no promise, no opportunity, no worship team.

Yesterday I took a position as a worship leader for a church replant.

If I had not painfully sacrificed that thing that I loved that brought me so much joy, I would not have received this amazing blessing. Always remember that the test of release is not about God ruining our dreams, or changing His mind, or breaking His promise. Sometimes the promise becomes so fixed in our minds that it overshadows the one thing meant to receive glory....God.

He loves to make much of Himself, so if He's asking you to walk away from a dream He gave you...ask yourself if maybe the dream has become more important that God himself. We are always nothing without being fully surrendered to Him. Far and above promises and dreams, He longs to be the only person that we truly cannot live without.

The Death of a Life

Sometimes dying to self is really the death of a dream.

I've sat here for two months and complained, bemoaned, wondered at the perplexing place I have found myself. Saddened by having to walk away from the life I had in Florida, but resigned to obedience at God's leading me back to Texas. People have asked me so many times, "Are you happy to be back home?" I would just look at them strangely, wondering if I should express my disgust for pastures over oceans, parents over independence, and rest over busy-ness...then chastened by the fact that there are tremendous blessings, even in my lack of exuberance: I can always go home, I have a job I like, I am healthy again...The truthful answer brought on so much sadness at the life I left behind that I was usually left to murmur something about it being both good and bad, then some nonsense about missing the ocean. 

As one chapter of my life closes, the door swings vibrantly open into another. In the wisdom of looking backwards, I now see that new things could not happen until the old has passed on. 

...unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and DIES, it remains alone; but if it dies, it PRODUCES MUCH grain (John 12:24).

Last weekend, I went to Florida to retrieve the last of my possessions that were left in storage. To say that the trip did not go as expected would be an understatement of immeasurable proportions. However, as the dreams and plans and relationships I had in Florida went up in a cloud of tumultuous smoke, I found something infinitely sweeter in the chaos. 

I have wondered what purpose God has in bringing me to Texas, and over the course of humbled and convicted emails, the answer has begun to whisper through my heart. 

Yes, having a dream ripped to pieces and destroyed is painful, and I have several times reminded friends in this very situation to take heart, for God obviously has something far more amazing ahead. In these moments of devastation, however, these promises can seem small while we mourn. 

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted (Matthew 5:4). 

I have stood in the pews at church during worship and sobbed over my situation. I have felt guilty in those moments for feeling so incredibly sad when I am so richly blessed. But that was my LIFE. I still feel overwhelmed when I think of what was. I have needed to grieve this loss. But as I cleaned out the last pieces of my dream in Florida, I laid it to rest. In eulogizing the great life it was, the following are some thoughts, perhaps not goodbyes, but farewells:

• I have been immeasurably blessed by the amazing leadership that I found myself submitted to in the Church while living in Florida. You have enriched my walk with Christ, and taught me valuable skills that I will carry forward into my own ministry. Thank you for being examples of integrity.
• To all the women that I prayed with at one point or another, you are beautiful. Shining examples of what it means to truly be a daughter of the King. I am humbled by your stories, encouraged by your faith and obedience, and inspired by your words in every season. Shine on, women of God!
• For the ones that broke my heart, thank you for showing me how to lean even further on Him. I came to Florida broken, and left healed, in spite of numerous attempts to further break me. I am sorry for my hurtful actions, and I pray that God uses those same experiences in your own life to enrich your testimony and faith.
• For the very small list of treasured friends, I love you deeply, and I hope that the friendship that solidified itself as I said goodbye last weekend will only continue to grow in the coming years. Thank you for holding me up as I cried in my anguish. 
• Oh amazing overwhelmingly beautiful coastal creation of God....farewell my love. We shall meet again, hopefully on this side of heaven, but assuredly on the other. You soothe my soul, and perhaps I miss you the most, but your glory is vivid in my mind like a picture frozen in time.

The new chapter of God's work in my life is only just starting to be written, and without being too cryptic, it is positively brilliant!!!! In these seasons of mourning a dream, remember that He is gracious and loving and knows that we need this time to let go....that death is a grieving process, but one that gives life in the kingdom of God. So let it die, cry from bottom of your soul, and smile brightly because your future is really, really stupendous!

My $0.02 on Morality

I love Chick-Fil-A...the waffle fries are scrumptious, the chicken is mouth-watering, and the milkshakes make my eyes roll back in my head. I'm not going to quit eating it because of anyone's opinion, but I also did not make it a point to eat there today. But this isn't even about CFA. It's not really about gay marriage either. Or abortion, for that matter. It's about the moral decay of the entire world around us.

I've gone back and forth about publicly having an opinion, because I don't want to offend anyone. But let's get real...

THE GOSPEL IS OFFENSIVE!!!!!!!

Therefore many of His disciples, when they heard this, said, "This is a hard saying; who can understand it?" When Jesus knew in Himself that His disciples complained about this, He said to them, "Does this offend you?"...From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more (John 6:60-61,66).

Allow me to rewind, before I get dubbed a hypocrite. I was raised on religion, and rebelled on a grand scale. At some point, I broke every rule in the book...that Bible book. I messed up in ways that I will never,ever, ever, in a million years, share with another human being. I was a horrible person.

$0.01 = GRACE

This is the Love that rocks my world. Perfect love, that sees every awful, horrible thing in my memory (John 2:25), loves me infinitely and unconditionally in spite of my own horrible self (Proverbs 10:12), and redeems every shattered piece of my soul (Psalm 49:15). This is the sacrifice of the cross, the spotless perfection of Jesus' life, that allows God to blanket our unconscionable mistakes, and creates a newly born image of Christ. Yeah...it's that good. The chance to be perfect instead of horrible? I'll take it.

This is the easy part. Confession, forgiveness, acceptance. You don't have to change a thing.

$0.01 = TRANSFORMATION

What you do have to do, however, is to present yourself and be subject to the renewing of yourself as only God's Spirit can do...And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God (Romans 12:2). If you re-read the paragraph after grace, you'll see that a Christian is recreated into the perfect image of Christ. God looks at you, and sees HIM, in all his glorious perfection. The rest of life is an attempt to stay that way.

This, is a daily repetition of failure, contrition, and forgiveness. Grace that is new every morning.

Maybe it will begin to make more sense, like this:

GRACE (0.01) + TRANSFORMATION (0.01) = MORALITY (0.02)

I make mistakes every single day. I sin every day, with or without knowledge. I have friends from all walks of life...they sin every single day, with or without knowledge. We tend to prescribe a value system for the sins of this world, but the reality is that each act of willful disobedience against God evokes the same response from Him. In God's eyes, sin is sin, and we are all guilty. 

The brilliance of the Christian walking in faith is the tool of conviction. If we are seeking Him in our daily lives, then He will gently point out our mistakes, drawing us back to Him (1 John 3:19-21). As we read His revealed Word in Scripture, we cannot help but see how we all fall short of perfection. That moment when you sense that something just feels "wrong"...THAT is the voice of God whispering in your ear to come back. He is longing to repair every instance of damage to your relationship. 

My last thoughts, which are perhaps the most "offensive"...if you're not being gut-checked on a regular basis, there are two explanations:

You are Jesus...

Since that's highly unlikely, here is the truth: You have been duped. Lied to, misled, seduced, desensitized, corrupted, and deceived by the father of all lies (John 8:44, 1 Thessalonians 3:5, 1 Peter 5:8, Revelation 12:10). If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. The devil has a powerful way of taking the Gospel and selling truth mixed in with lies. If you can justify something that Scripture says is immoral, then say hello to Satan, because he is screaming in your ear. I have done this, for the record. I have listened to the cunning lies, and seductive false truths of the great liar, and found myself frolicking along behind him. Only to wake up the next morning and be humbled by the voice of God reminding me of the truth.

Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it (Matthew 7:13-14).

So don't be complacent. Don't be numb to the moral crumbling around you, or in you. Ask Him to enlighten you...He will. Read His word...He will speak. Don't judge the sinner, and don't judge the outspoken Christian. 

Love every person you meet...

speak the TRUTH of the Gospel firmly but with kindness...

and seek Him every day, with all your heart.