Monday: Still reeling from my self-imposed spiritual trauma, I woke up to find my car being repossessed. Yes, I realize that does in fact usually happen after a long period of personal mistakes. I was well aware of the situation, and honestly just waiting for the ax to fall, but it hasn't made the transition any easier thus far. Food probably wasn't really on my mind, and I doubt I ate. Monday was cover my head with the blankets and wish I had never been born day.....with prayer.
Tuesday: So I wake up a little stronger....funny how it always happens that way. I contact a few people who I consider to be good listeners/advice givers/etc.....I called a cab, left the house, and went and had a long talk with a spiritual mentor. And I left feeling significantly better. I had plans to attend a youth revival that evening, and when I got home, I was thanking God for His amazing faithfulness. Then I walked in the door to my apartment, and the electricity had been turned off. Now, I thought seriously I paid it in June, but apparently NOT. I just sucked it up, thought to myself that Jesus didn't have a car or electricity in Jerusalem, and He was just fine (from a ministry standpoint, at least). I went to the church event, which was AMAZING, and came home to sleep in a pretty steamy sauna. Food: Sonic burger.
Wednesday: I awake to a very hot bedroom, but I'm thinking about how much worse it could be. I have no electricity, which means my cell phone is dead from no charging, my laptop is dead for the same reason, I don't have internet because the modem is off, my food is going bad, and the lack of a vehicle and any money has me trapped. At last, I decide this isn't going to do, and without knowing what exactly I'm doing, and having maybe a dime to my name, I take a shower, and leave the house, walking without destination. My path takes me down the street to neighbors I've never met before, who loaned me the use of an outlet to charge my phone, a cigarette (I'm stressed, ok?), and $7. God truly blesses! At the same time, I'm trying to be steadfast in the lack of power at my house, and the day is getting hotter. I have a new neighbor, that has been a Godsend....so I go visit my new neighbor, and I get a call from Teen Challenge about a speaking engagement that was planned for August. Surprisingly, they want me to speak this coming Monday night instead! God speaks and rewards us when we stay faithful! The day continued as every person I knew refused to loan me money to turn on the electricity, so I ended up begging, and the night was spent in church. I believe this was the day that my mom pretty much told me to give up. Food: three bites of pasta.
Thursday: Day 3 in the sweltering heat of no air conditioning. At this point, I'm pretty much starting to lose my mind, but I have an early morning appointment to get my last set of injections, which involves great drugs and napping. Again, my new neighbor has been an amazing blessing. I get another phone call, this time from the worship pastor at the North campus of my church, where they're having auditions in a week. I had decided not to go through with it, but the phone call changed my mind, and gave me something else positive from God to praise to know that He is with me, even as my world is falling apart. A few minutes later, the phone rings again, and it's my job, releasing me from my duties, effective immediately. Talk about ups and downs! And as I'm about to have maybe the biggest freakout of my entire mental life, my phone rings, and I hyperventilate to the one person I don't need to talk to! However, it's the one person who actually repairs the power situation, to which I am exceedingly grateful. Power is restored, last night at Branded by Fire (an amazing event), and I'm so full of God that I can't stand it. Food: rice.
Friday: We'll just go ahead and call this "lost my mind bad decision Friday." With the exception of my very last paycheck which still left me in the red, and not having any idea how in the world I'm going to produce money for the next two months, it begins as a good day. It remains a good day: I get a little cleaning done, fun evening with a friend, and two whole pieces of pizza! Unfortunately, I know what follows any "bad decision" day, and its usually "guilt ridden". I don't have time right now, however, to spend another 3 days freaking out. I have a million other things to do!
What's happening now, right?
Well, after a predictable guilty Saturday, I shook it off, read the Cross and the Switchblade, which is the inspiring story of how Teen Challenge began, and I've been praying about what message God wants me to present tomorrow night to these troubled kids. What do I say? I want it to be purely from God, and I don't want to misrepresent. Part of me keeps going back to my testimony as my strongest way to witness, but with the events of the last week unfolding, I'm not sure what to say. I just keep praying, and I keep coming across inspiring scripture, but it's all muddled in my brain. On top of that, I'm managing my anger, because I just love the way people are never exactly what you expect them to be. Tonight blesses me with a friend I haven't seen in 7 years for a brief visit, and the day involves praying and preparing for tomorrow night.
With everything in prayer and supplication....
I just keep dropping to my knees, both figuratively, and literally. Every day last week, bad things would happen, and I would praise God. Good things would happen, and I would praise Him even more. The cycle continues, and I just keep singing His glory. The devil stays inside my head, and I'll admit that I've lost a battle or two over the last week. But the fact remains that I am FREE from the "sting of death" of sin, that even though I screw up regularly, the amazing love behind GRACE saves me, although I am pathetically unworthy. I just raise my hands, and beg for forgiveness, thanking God for the gift of Jesus, knowing that the Spirit lives in me, blesses me, and guides my path. That even though I may stumble and fall, I am not lost, and I am not removed from the most amazing love EVER!
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