Blessings

I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.-Philippians 4:12

I think the word "season" is overused in Christian circles, but since the wise king Solomon used it, I shall do the same. It has been a hard season. I'll say it again, a hard season. Although I never wondered how it would turn out, because I knew that God had His hand on me the whole time, I often wondered when it would end. When you spend four months stumbling through a fiery trial, it's easy to believe that it will go on forever. I can attest to the fact that even four months can feel like eternity.

I realize that comparatively speaking, it wasn't really THAT bad. Some of it I perpetuated out of my own stubbornness. Some of it was the culmination of things already set in motion. The hardest part, however, was the feeling that no matter how hard I tried to do the right thing, I encountered opposition at every turn. The past is done, however, and I am starting to truly feel like I've turned the page on this wretched experience. It was a pruning, and it hurt.

I can finally breathe, though! Things are not as complicated or as difficult or as confusing as they have been. God is dropping amazing presents into my lap, and I feel the joy of the moment, instead of wondering when the bottom will fall out. I'm still getting hit with the predictable school-related spiritual warfare, but I'm so irritated with the enemy's tactics at this point that laughter comes more naturally in his face.

I have a better understanding of who I am, what I'm worth, and what I'm not. God has liberated me from some old chains.

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A tie to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.
--Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

The last four months have been a season of dying, killing, breaking down, weeping, losing, throwing away, tearing, hating, and war. These days, and I say this with some caution, are for laughter, dancing, embracing, gaining, speaking, love, and peace.

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.--James 1:2

My joy was almost constant, even when it appeared that I was breaking. My endgame was always the same eternity with the King. It's just nice to be able to smile more often!

As a final note, thank you to those who stood beside me, never letting me fall too far. You know who you are.