Open the Floodgates

The dam has officially broken, and I can NOT stop crying.

I try to be mostly encouraging and positive here, but I just don't have anything left today.

It seems like the harder I push, and the more I try, the more resistance I come up against. And I am

frustrated

exhausted

overwhelmed

The irony of the particular situation that has me here is not without notice. My car is broken down and I was supposed to start working this week. Just reading that makes me feel kinda silly. 

I bought the car, and the problem is something that was specifically repaired when I bought it. I paid for the parts, and had the work done so I wouldn't have this problem. Everything is still under warranty, but the fact of the matter is that I don't have the extra cash to pay for the labor. The guy who repaired it initially was the seller, and he will do it again, but he's out of town until Friday. So I'm stuck.

As for my job, after spending $130 for the legal hoops to get this tutoring job, and finally getting all the paperwork submitted, I was assigned 5 students on Friday of last week. I had appointments with 3 of them this week, and now I have to reschedule. I was going to be resourceful and ride the bus to my appointments, cause it's really not that big of a deal, but I can't find my prepaid bus fare. And again....kinda in a cash slump at the moment. Hence the reason I really need to work.

I'm just angry and irritated and confused and upset because everything was looking up, and I really need to start working, and I really need my car to do that, and it just crashed in on me today. And I've been managing and holding on to a positive attitude thus far, but I don't have anything left. 

I even screamed at God, Why are You letting this happen right now after everything else over the summer? Why now? When everything is falling into place, and things are starting to work, why is the rug being pulled out from under me? Through some pretty hysterical tears, to be honest.

And not that this matters, but I pretty much was done when I went to get dressed and couldn't find the strapless bra I needed. It's a little thing...

I just feel like everything is conspiring against me to ruin the things that I desperately need to do right now.

Does God not want me to have this job? Is there something else that I need to be doing?