Reading Test

"There is a voice in my head telling me to go home...to Texas...after the summer, when I've done the things I've committed to do, the things I need to do, telling me to go home. I'm homesick in a way I've never experienced. I don't know what's coming, or what's happening. I don't know why I'm confused, sick, tired, spiritually drained. All I want is more of God, and all I seem to be experiencing is more confusion. I miss my mom, I miss my family, and in the nearly 2 years that I've been here, I've never felt that way."

4 days ago, when I wrote that, I could not have foreseen the events that would come. The events that would demolish everything I thought and had planned. This is not official public knowledge as of 10pm Tuesday evening, but it's fairly well known.

I'm going home.

I have been a confused mess for 48 hours trying to decide where my life was meant to go next. I've cried, I've prayed, I've sought God, and after much deliberation and overwhelming emotions, I feel at peace with moving back to Texas. This was not how I wanted to do things, and as a matter of humor, I had said I was never going back to Texas...silly me for trying to limit my awesome, powerful God.

Although logically this does not make a lot of sense, God is yanking me back there for some unknown. This is not the easy choice...as a matter of fact, it's the hard road. It's got a wilderness feel to it, but that's ok! Not perhaps in the wandering for 40 years part, but in the blind faith required to believe that God has something there for me that is mind-blowing.

Because I'm human and obviously fallible, I laid down a couple fleece like Gideon, and also got an unexpected confirmation this evening. I let some of my family in on this fact today, but in the process, one of my parents informed me that he'd had a dream that I was moving home. I cried...again.

The things I'm going to miss about this place are too numerable to describe, and there is a huge part of me that wants to stay.

God knows better than I...He has planned every moment of my life, and knows what He is doing...even when I do not.