When the Phone Rings

O my Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will (Matthew 26:39).

I never really thought I would feel this way about my own calling.

Word this morning: "I have to know that you will choose me over what you want in that fleeting moment. You are not alone because I am always here. I have something different for you, and being different is not easy. I'm asking you to trust ME. I won't let you down."

In the face of the difficult, I find myself longing for the easy. My definition of "easy" is probably not really easy at all, but it appears that way when measured against the alternative. If it appears that I'm being strangely obtuse, I apologize. I'm just caught up in the personal right now. I used to think that my calling was gloriously awesome....now I just feel like it's way too much trouble. In that whiny, petulant voice, the glamour of being different fades away into a pouty "WHY??" Then I recall the words that I have whispered over and over...use me....and I am slammed with the realization that just last night I scribbled furiously in my personal journal:

I'LL GO
SEND ME
USE ME
I'LL DO IT

Those words do not leave me with the option to send God to voice mail...