Balance

Oh yes the things I'm learning in this journey. Perhaps the most important lesson thus far: BALANCE! 

I've been studying for days. Poring over pages and pages of material on the Gospels, female martyrdom in the 3rd century, how Mary as Jesus's mother is a great picture of understand and accepting (with JOY) one's purpose in life, the early church and monasticism. My brain feels like mush. Seriously. 

You would think with all the God oriented type studying I'm doing that I would be one with our Father, but the opposite is actually true. As my friend Arnie told me the other night, "Seminary school is an intimacy robber." Yes, it is. I've been struggling to write for several days a very simple series of responses for discussion board assignments. And although I've read the information, indeed I know the information front to back, I couldn't seem to make my fingers do anything. I just sat and stared at the questions I needed to answer. 

Then it hit me....I wasn't feeling God. And I remember this very important point of the "10 things to remember during seminary school" article that I like to reference regularly, which pointed out that finding harmony and balance between all the responsibilities and obligations in our lives is more important than the grade.Granted, my grades are pretty solid, high B's and low A's, and I'm totally ok with that. But as the deadline for my assignments drew closer, I walked away, and crawled into my personal relationship with God.

Who am I kidding? I know that regardless of the fact that He's called me to ministry, I have no hope whatsoever of completing this test of endurance without our relationship being the primary focus of my life. It's easy to assume that someone in seminary school has definitely got their attention fully focused on Jesus, but it actually pulls you away because it's so intellectual, and the personal relationship with have with our King is so emotional. 

So my assignments are past due (a few points a day loss), and I'm working on them now, but only because I've spent the last couple of evenings intimately with God. It's a reminder that this takes endurance, and regardless of the fact that I have so much schoolwork due in the next week that I'm still not sure of how it's going to get done, the truth is that if I neglect my personal time with Him, it WON'T. But, if I sacrifice the desire for perfection in school, for the pure love and joy and peace that comes from being in His presence, I'll definitely succeed....although I might have to settle for a B.

Our God is so good! And he brings us gently back when we wander a little too far. I found Hebrews 12:5 last night as I was doing some random reading during worship:

My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord,
Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;For whom the Lord loves He chastens,
And scourges every son whom He receives.

I'm ok with a blank wall being my gentle reminder that I've let school overcome me. With as many slings as the enemy has been casting my way, I can't afford to lose sight of Jesus for even one second.